Spring Arbor Living Blog

Today, a growing number of adult children are taking care of their aging parents with Alzheimer's. While most families cope well with the added responsibility, the primary caregivers, usually the women, suffer from stress and often neglect their own health.

Many adult children feel as though they can take care of parents, and they don’t realize the difficulties and the stresses that are involved. They also don’t understand how challenging it will become over time.

Experts say the numbers of adult children taking care of their parents will increase as people live longer. According to a 2011 study by MetLife Mature Market Institute, there are nearly 10 million children over the age of 50 who care for their parents. That figure has more than tripled over the past 15 years.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the demand for informal caregivers - family, friends and neighbors - is expected to grow by more than 20% in the next 15 years as baby boomers age.

As life expectancy increases, it will increase the responsibility of caregivers.

Trying to meet the needs of kids and the patient with Alzheimer's is pretty challenging for caregivers with families. The difficulty for families is in finding a compromise that allows Alzheimer’s patients to remain on their own like they want, yet making sure that they are receiving proper care.

Adult children should prepare a care plan for their elderly parents' when it becomes apparent that the parents are beginning to have difficulty taking care of them.

If adult children don't have a plan for how to deal with those challenges, they are going to end up in a crisis situation. If they're able, older adult parents should have some say in the plan before Alzheimer’s or dementia gets too far along.

For information on Alzheimer’s care in your area, contact Spring Arbor Living.

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Dear Annie: Our mother has Alzheimer's disease, and we don't think our Dad is giving her the right care. Mom seems undernourished. Dad thinks a slice of toast or a cup of coffee constitutes adequate caloric intake for her. If she says "no" to food, he simply accepts that response without trying to encourage her to eat. Her clothes are now several sizes too big.

Mom has emotional outbursts and periods of uncontrollable crying, and she frequently screams out, thus making a good night's sleep impossible for either of them. It is difficult for her to walk more than 15 feet. Dad doesn't assist her consistently, and she has fallen numerous times.

Personal hygiene seems a thing of the past. Their home is now dirty and disorganized. We have offered to clean and do household chores, but they refuse. We gave Dad the name of a local specialist, but he refuses to call. We contacted their family doctor, who said he was unable to convince Dad that Mom needs to go into an assisted living community.

Dad seems to relish being the martyr and constantly complains about having to do everything. We understand that after 50-plus years of marriage, this must be extremely difficult for him. My siblings, our spouses and the grandchildren do not know what to do next. Sincerely, Caring Kids

Dear Caring: It can be traumatizing for one spouse to place another in an assisted  living community, and a certain paralysis can set in, preventing major decisions and changes. You and your siblings need to step up to the plate right now.

If this is situation sounds familiar please contact us at Spring Arbor Living in North Carolina or Virginia.

Original article stardem

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As a middle aged child, it is common to wonder about how to start to talk to elderly parents about the future? Few things make adult children more nervous. There are many things to fear from this conversation: resistance, denial, conflict and reminding ourselves that our parents are getting older.

But we should fear an impending problem or crisis more.

Beginning the conversation with aging parents is similar to learning to ride a bike. You don’t take off going downhill; you muster up the nerve, hold your breath and try to keep your balance.

Start the conversation now, while they are healthy and you have no real concerns; and start small. This way there is time to build the conversation slowly without pressure.  Unexpected situations or crises with aging parents without having planned can cause rifts between siblings, between parents and kids, and between spouses.

Time your conversation with your parents appropriately. Be sure that you and they have time to talk and listen.  This conversation needs an investment of time and patience.

It is easier to begin the conversation by relating it to your own experience. For example, “I met with my attorney today and drew up my will…”

You need to be clear with yourself and your parents about why you are initiating this conversation. If you are annoyed or frustrated, this is not a good time. The conversation needs to be about their safety and their future, and about the quality of life for both them and you.

Remember too that you don’t need to get the answer today. You are merely trying to begin the dialogue and get everyone thinking and talking. 

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